someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
