also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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