my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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