threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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