Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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