when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
