yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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