I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
