So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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