They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
