Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
