her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
