I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
