i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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