those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize