Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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