I'm jealous of your bromance
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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