This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize