Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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