I need help removing her.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize