ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
