She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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