Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish you could order shots online.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
