Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
