2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
only you would photoshop your dick
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
