Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
