Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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