i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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