Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
