In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
