i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
