TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
