Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I need moral support for this bender
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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