the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
