then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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