I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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