I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
