apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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