I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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