I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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