Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
