Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
