soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
