She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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