can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
