How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
God I need to hump something, right now.
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