so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
