So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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