I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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