we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
