oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
