wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
