come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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