tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
