Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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