You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
