rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
