We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
