just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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