I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
