Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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