It's Friday. Sex?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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