we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
