he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
