turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
