spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
