if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
