I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
