you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bang-toberfest begins!!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
