How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
