is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
