Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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