wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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