You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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