totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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