he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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