he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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